My Wife

“She was a fast machine. She kept her motor clean. She was the best damned woman that I’d ever seen.”
- AC/DC, All Night Long

I am the luckiest man in the world.

If I lost a lung today, found out I had the ebola-A virus, and lost all of my money, I would still be the luckiest man in the world for marrying my wife. She is what keeps me going. She is my life, my sanity, my insanity, the Bonnie to my Clyde, the Allen to my Burns, and the “knock, knock” to my “Who’s there?”. My wife is the one constant I can count on. When things get bad, she’ll be there.

At the same time, she drives me nuts.

We were set up by mutual friends.* She and I were both invited to the same wedding. She knew the bride from childhood. I knew the bride from St. Peter’s College.** It took about four very craftily evil women to get us together. After having my ride cancel on me, then another ride (conveniently) suggested to me, AND THEN was sat next to me at the reception, I started to suspect something.

I’ll never forget the night, it was when the Blue Jays won the World Series. I know because my new date wanted to sneak out and watch it. My wife is a baseball freak and a big Yankee fan. This Cablevision ban on the YES Network was killing her. She wants me to get into hockey so she can watch at least one other sport during the year (For those who do not know me I’m a SciFi nerd who most of the time avoids sporting events in the same way people keep away from sharks and mountain lions).

Well, in any event, we’ve been together ever since. Since 1993 and going strong. We were engaged six months after we met and married a year later - on April Fools Day. It seemed to fit.

My wife has the second prettiest, bluest, eyes, I’ve ever seen. The prettiest go to Killian (my dog). In the summertime, when she gets a little color, they are electrifying. I get lost in them everytime. She had asked me if I’d ever stop loving her, and I always tell her the same thing. “So long as you still have your eyes, you will always be safe.”

While not graduating college, she is easily one of the smartest people I know. She is self educated. She, at one point, was accepted into Princeton University as her SAT scores and grades were much, much higher than mine. When she studies a subject she studies it completely.

But, she drives me nuts.

She is a bibliomaniac.*** She reads everything. She must have books on her favored subjects. She will spend every dime she has (and doesn’t have) on books. Books on Paganism, Buddhism, the Civil War, the West, Nature, Healing, Sherlock Holmes, Mysteries, Victorian England - the list is endless and she must have them ALL. We are running out of space in the house and the books keep on coming (Yes, I have books, too).

She can’t iron. She can’t dust. Cleaning chemicals open her throat. She can’t eat meat. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t cook. The last time I left her alone, she almost poisoned herself by heating up an old mushroom dish.

Now you know why there is a recipe page on this site.

As an animal lover, she is a strict vegetarian. The closest she comes to eating meat is milk and egg products. This means that as a cook I have to be creative and cook twice the amount of food for two people. A meat version and a non meat version. I have to be very careful taking her out to restaurants (as many soups and sauces have chicken or beef stock). If she gets any meat product and she will get sick.

Our pets have a loving mother that feeds them every night. She dotes on the animals. I get to be the bad guy. The dog eats something valuble, I yell at the dog… and she yells at me for yelling at the dog. To paraphrase Bill Cosby, “My wife and I have two dogs, and the reason we have two dogs is that we do not want three.”

At least I don’t want three. If it were up to her, she’d have a hundred. (sigh)

She is my wife. She is my friend, She is my lover. When I work, I leave every morning and kiss her good bye. I come home happy that she’s come home to me.

I love her.