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"But there is no joy in Muddville. Mighty Casey has struck
out. "
- from "Casey At Bat"
October 21st, 2004
As I'm certain I've said before, I enjoy my crow
well done as opposed to raw.
Now it is time for me to hunker down and have
a big ol' helping of crow. Last night's disgrace of the New
York Yankees was as painful as it was humiliating. I would say
this about any team that blew a 3 game lead over its opponent.
The Yankees fell apart.
Of course all of this happened when I made new
Red Sox Suck jokes and (as is fair) must make myself the target
of the slings and arrows that will come in due course of putting
my money where my mouth is. My former boss is a long time Red
Sox fan. I've made it well worth his time after my crowing a
precelebratory victory dance (after the Yankees' decisive victory
in game 3) that the abuse should fly my way for the next coming
year. For this, I curse Yankee GM Brian Cashman for not acquiring
a decent pitching staff - as ours completely sucked - with the
wish that the fleas of 1,000 camels should infest upon his armpit
hairs. He had to have seen this coming. We lost almost our entire
pitching staff last year. You'd think some money would have
gone to PITCHING.
What's more, I can't fathom why Joe Torre didn't
use his alternate starters in Game 7 - instead of our lame
bullpen - or, at the very least, issue an order to WALK
ORTIZ AT ALL COSTS.
So after watching the Yankees fold like... well,
like the Red Sox usually do, and after watching my wife throw
almost every object she could at the television during games
5, 6, and 7 - I must tip my Yankee hat to Boston as they truly
deserved to win and we truly deserved to lose.
Let us chalk one victory to the Boston Red Sox
for doing what has never been done before in baseball - come
back from a 3 game deficit to win 4 in a row. Bravo.
Now, you may ask me, "Do I think the curse
of the Bambino is over?" Personally, I don't know.
The curse is the acquisition of a World Series
pennant. And while I can congratulate the Boston Red Sox on
winning a major, and personally humiliating, battle, they have
not won a war since 1918.
Let's put that in context, shall we? I can say
the following events are, indeed, true:
- There have been 5 U.S. Wars fought since Boston
won a world series.
- Anyone who was at the last game when they
won is most likely dead and, if they had kids, their kids
are very old.
- That in every opportunity the Red Sox have
had in winning a World Series Championship Ring, some amazingly
catastrophic event has happened to keep them from winning.
- Last year, when they crowed too soon in Game
7, and started to paint the field for the World Series at
Fenway Park, they lost.
The rules of probability are in favor of the
Red Sox eventually winning. I mean, they can only lose so many
times, right? I measure this last probability against the apocolyptic
event that may have materialized last year: A Cubs / Red Sox
series. My hypothesis was that the earth would have to swallow
Wrigley Field or Fenway Park before any kind of victor should
emerge from that "clash of titans".
Red Sox loss has produced a profound effect in
Boston including an attempt at getting Babe Ruth's granddaughter
to remove the curse, real witch Laurie Cabot to remove the curse,
and, what I can only surmise, the entire plot of Stephen King's
Dark Tower - a long journey to only to try better next time.
The last is only my opinion, but readers of King may find this
amusing, albeit, frustrating.
Far be it from a Pagan like me to discount the
"supernatural".
So, as I eat my crow, which is bitter indeed,
I will eat it silently. I will not speculate on who will win
the championship but I will act appropriately when a victor
is pronounced.
Update October 28th, 2004:
Well, what do you know? They won. So, my crow
will be extra raw and extra bitter. I offer my congratulations
to Boston fans. Really. I do. Winning eight games in a row is an achievement,
especially in post season.
I offer you extra kudos for the Red Sox's originality.
Playing the Kurt Russell film "Miracle" before each
game for artificial stimulation has never been done. For those
of you who plan to criticize this, save your breath. You'll
need it for your inflatable date.
However, before I leave to hang my head in sorrow,
I'd like to give Red Sox fans a couple of pointers.
When winning the pennant do the following:
- Don't kill anyone. That's bad. Remember, it's
just a game.
- When celebrating your victory in a parade,
it is important to not flip over cars and loot the local shops.
- Bragging rights last for one year. After that,
you are a foot note in a history book.
- Players come and go. Try to remember whose
contract is going to free agency next year. You may see them
again on the other side of the plate or mount.
- Like the New York Rangers learn that one win
does not make a dynasty. Get 27 more in 85 years, do a seance
to contact me and I'll be impressed.
Normally, I don't do this sort of thing, but
it's been such a long time for you guys, I thought you may have
forgotten the proper etiquette of winning.
Once again, congratulations.
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