"You can't kill the actors! They're people!!"
"Really? Have you ever eaten with one?"
- Leo Blume to Max Bialistock in the Producers

“When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.' ”
- Alfred Hitchcock

"This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire, but it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box."
- Edward R. Murrow about television - RTNDA Convention Speech 1958

"My life is like a movie - cast with some very bad actors. "
- Vikar

May 7th, 2006

Does anyone really ever watch the news?

Really. I'm talking about the news. "News", as I define it as the topics and events that effect your life due to changes in legislation, physical environment, economy, politics, and life & death events. "News" like broadcasts that Edward R. Murrow used to make when he was fighting McCarthyism. News is NOT "Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez ('Bennifer' as it was called) to break up". That isn't really news. Unless, of course, you are Ben Affleck or Jennifer Lopez, then maybe you might have a stake in that bit of info.

Most younger people really have no idea when I say things like this. I've mentioned this in casual conversation with kids under twenty-five and usually after the name, "Edward R. Murrow" they look up at me with a look of casual cluelessness and blank stares that can only be replicated in the face of Laura Bush doing elementary arithmetic. It gets worse after you mention "McCarthyism". What's even more frightening is more people between 20 and 25 probably know more about what Brittany Spears had for breakfast than who Joe McCarthy was.

For the most part, television journalism in the new millennium centers around showbiz celebrities and what daily idiocies our baboon-like president did to destroy the reputation of our country and confidence in the US government. Oh! And they usually have something to say about the war, too. But for right now, I'd like talk about the celebrity thing rather than world politics and the Bush Follies*.

We pay entirely too much attention to the lives of actors and celebrities in this day and age. This should really stop or someone is going to get hurt... and not in a good way either. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking,"Vikar, actors are good people. They entertain and they are role models for me and my kids."

I halfway agree with that sentiment. Actors do entertain, most of the time. Some are good people. Some are even role models. But most of the actors that are getting all of the media's attention are f*%ked up whack jobs. Let's go on down the line on some of the things celebrities have done and their mysterious motivations behind their actions. I'll attempt to come up with some possible consequences to those actions.

Let's take the most visible: Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson is a freak with a capital "F". And I really hate saying that.

I grew up in the 70's and 80's. I enjoyed Thriller when it first came out. I even have an LP of it at my parents' house somewhere. I can even still do "The Moonwalk" if the situation calls for it. I remember when he wore sunglasses all of the time because he damaged his eyes from the contact lenses he wore to make the Thriller video. I remember the horror he experienced when filming a commercial for Pepsi Cola and his hair caught on fire to burn 70 per cent of his body.

And after that he was never quite the same.

Reports came about the Howard Hughes-like behavior he started to exhibit and his strange purchases of monkeys and corpses. The building of Neverland and his plastic surgery attempts (He has publically stated that he's never had plastic surgery, but apparently, he also has no nose, either). Expert opinions state that not only has he had plastic surgery, he's also had skin bleaching. Jackson, who won't admit to this either, has taken to walking in sunlight only with an umbrella to keep from tanning.

Oh? And did I mention the child molestation charges?

Let's have a reality check about what Michael Jackson really is. Michael Jackson is a singing and dancing entertainer. He records CD's that some people buy and makes videos that some people watch. He does this well (or at least he did) but all he does is sing and dance and make little Michael Jacksons... that wear masks in public. Where in our legal system does it state that if you sing, dance, make CD's, and videos (not to mention Disney's Captain EO in 3D), that you somehow are above the law when it comes not only to child molestation, child endangerment (like when he dangled his infant off of a balcony in Germany), and contempt in court?

Michael Jackson has wisely decided to leave the US and live in the Middle East. I'm sure that he can be a freak as much as he wants to now.

How about Tom Cruise? Here is an entertainer that has inspired an entire website dedicated to logging nothing but his insane antics. Give a visit to tomcruiseisnuts.com. Initially, I was something of a fan. I enjoyed Top Gun, Top Car (aka Days of Thunder), Top Lawyer (aka - The Firm), Top Cripple (aka Born on the 4th of July), and Top Savant (aka Rain Man). In fairness, he's a good actor. He plays his part well. When the director tells him to do something he does it. He can portray a wide array of emotions. He's able to research a character well. And he has dedication to his craft. I've done a fair amount or theatre in my lifetime and I know that this takes discipline, concentration, and dedication.

He's also a scientologist. Now I hate knocking other people's beliefs but this, THIS, my dear friends, is a dangerous cult. Here's a bit of info from Wikipedia:

Scientology is a system of beliefs and practices created by American pulp fiction author L. Ron Hubbard in 1952 as a self-help philosophy. By 1960 Hubbard had redefined it as a "religion by its basic tenets". The Church of Scientology, by far the largest organization promoting the belief system of Scientology, is sometimes itself referred to as "Scientology".

The Church of Scientology presents itself as a religious non-profit organization dedicated to the rehabilitation of the human spirit and providing counseling and rehabilitation programs. Church spokespeople claim that Hubbard's teachings (called "technology" or "tech" in Scientology terminology) have saved them from addictions, arthritis, depression, learning disabilities, mental illness, cancer, homosexuality (which is not neccessarily considered a disease), and other issues.

The Church has attracted criticism and distrust throughout the world because of its closed nature and strong-arm tactics in handling critics. Lawmakers, including national governing bodies of several countries, have characterized the Church as an unscrupulous commercial organization, citing harassment of critics and exploitation of its members. Scientology's principles have been characterized as pseudoscientific by scientists, medical doctors and psychotherapeutic practitioners. Because of these factors, Scientology has frequently been perceived as a cult and a pseudoreligion.

There are approximately 55,000 Scientology adherents in the United States according to a survey published by the U.S. Census bureau. The worldwide number of adherents is disputed. The Church of Scientology claims between 9 million and 10 million followers. Adherents.com suggests there may be 500,000 adherents worldwide while other groups say the number is likely to be less than 100,000 total.

Some central beliefs of Scientology:

  • A person is an immortal spiritual being (termed a thetan) who possesses a mind and a body.
    Through the Scientology process of "auditing", one can free himself of "engrams" and "implants" and thus recover their native spiritual abilities.
  • The thetan has lived through many past lives and will continue to live beyond the death of the body.
  • A person is basically good, but becomes "aberrated" by moments of pain and unconsciousness in his or her life.
  • What is true for you is what you have observed yourself. No beliefs should be forced as "true" on anyone. Thus, the tenets of Scientology are expected to be tested and seen to either be true or not by Scientology practitioners.
  • Psychiatry and psychology are evil and abusive.
  • Humans retain many emotional problems caused by early stages of evolution (see Scientology History of Man).

Scientology claims to offer an exact methodology to help a person achieve awareness of his or her spiritual existence and better effectiveness in the physical world. "Exact" methods of spiritual counseling are taught and practiced which are claimed to enable this change. According to the Church, the ultimate goal is to get the soul (thetan) back to its native state of total freedom, thus gaining control over matter, energy, space, time, thoughts, form, and life. This freed state is called Operating Thetan, or OT for short.

In Dianetics, Hubbard proposed that the cause of "aberrations" in the human mind was an accumulation of pain and unconscious memories of traumatic incidents, some of which predated the life of the individual. He extended this view further in Scientology, declaring that thetans have existed for tens of trillions of years. During that time, Hubbard explains, they have been exposed to a vast number of traumatic incidents, and have made a great many decisions that influence their present state. According to an early lecture of Hubbard's, it is, as a practical matter, both impossible and undesirable to recall each and every such event from such vast stretches of time. As a result, Hubbard's 30-year development of Scientology focused on streamlining the process to address only key factors. Hubbard stated that Scientology materials as described in books, tapes, and research notes include a record of everything that was found in the course of his research. Not all things found have been experienced by all beings (for example, not everyone was Roman or Chinese).

(Here is where it gets really wonky - Vikar)

According to Hubbard, some of the past traumas may have been deliberately inflicted in the form of "implants" used by extraterrestrial dictatorships such as Helatrobus to brainwash and control people. Scientology doctrine includes a wide variety of beliefs in extraterrestrial civilizations and alien interventions in Earthly events, collectively described by Hubbard as "space opera". There is a huge Church of Spiritual Technology symbol carved into the ground at Scientology's Trementina Base that is visible from passing aircraft or from satellite photography such as that found on Google Maps. Washington Post reporter Richard Lieby wrote, "Former Scientologists familiar with Hubbard’s teachings on reincarnation say the symbol marks a “return point” so loyal staff members know where they can find the founder’s works when they travel here in the future from other places in the universe."

The "Hidden Truth" about the nature of the universe is taught to only the most advanced Scientologists, those who have achieved the level "clear", in a series of courses known as the Advanced Levels.

Clear would be the name of a specific state achieved through auditing, or a person who has achieved this state. A "Clear" would be a person who would no longer have his own reactive mind, and would therefore suffer none of the ill effects the reactive mind can cause. The Clear would have no engrams which, when re-stimulated, throw out the correctness of his computations by entering hidden and false data.

The contents of these Advanced Levels courses are held in strict confidence within Scientology. They have never been published by the church, except for use in highly secure areas. The most advanced of all are the eight Operating Thetan levels, which require the initiate to be thoroughly prepared. The highest level, OT VIII, is only disclosed at sea, on the Scientology cruise ship Freewinds. Because Scientology is a mystery religion, the more closely guarded and esoteric teachings imparted at these higher levels may not always be entirely consistent with its entry-level teachings.

In the confidential OT levels, Hubbard describes a variety of traumas commonly experienced in past lives. He also explains how to reverse the effects of such traumas. Among these advanced teachings, one episode revealed to those who reach OT level III has been widely remarked upon in the press: the story of Xenu and his Galactic Confederacy.

Scientologists argue that published accounts of the Xenu story and other colorful teachings are presented out of context for the purpose of ridiculing their religion. Journalists and critics of Scientology counter that Xenu is part of a much wider Scientology belief in past lives on other planets, some of which has been public knowledge for decades. For instance, Hubbard's 1958 book Have You Lived Before This Life documents past lives described by individual Scientologists during auditing sessions. These included memories of being "deceived into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl", being run over by a Martian bishop driving a steamroller, being transformed into an intergalactic walrus that perished after falling out of a flying saucer, and being "a very happy being who strayed to the planet Nostra 23,064,000,000 years ago".

Scientologists argue that most members of the organization have not attained a sufficiently high level to learn about Xenu. Therefore, while knowledge of Xenu and Body Thetans is said to be crucial to the highest level church teachings, it cannot be regarded as a core belief of rank and file Scientologists. Such information is not published in commonly available materials, and as such may not be part of what the vast majority of ordinary Scientologists believe.

Critics point out that Scientology literature does include many references to extraterrestrial past lives (even to low levels on the bridge), and that internal Scientology publications are often illustrated with pictures of spaceships and oblique references to catastrophic events that happened "75 million years ago" (e.g. the Xenu incident).

This material ties in to the general purpose of Scientology, which is to learn about these "whole track" incidents on the OT Levels to confront the negativity the mind still holds from these incidents, and as a result to be free of the ill effects of these "whole track" incidents.

Okay, granted, I'm a pagan with some Buddhist leanings. But, the one thing I've stated to others regarding the difference between pagans and other more popular belief systems is that "pagans know that the stories they read are really myths". Occasionally, I take some pot shots at other religions that make their money by misleading people who don't know any better.**

Tom Cruise has had an interesting year in 2005 and 2006. Let's recap:

  • On Oprah Winfrey, he's embarrassed the entire male sex in declaring in love for Katie Holmes by jumping up and down screaming "I LOVE HER!! I LOVE HER!!!" Now, loving your future mate is not a crime nor is it something to be ashamed of, but, take it down a notch or so and be... I don't know... a little more masculine. He's 42. She's 27. She had more grace and this is his 3rd wife.

  • Katie Holmes, pregnant with his child, was to birth the child in the Scientology way. This means in silence and with as little anesthetic as possible. Cruise is making Holmes do this. I'm just not sure if he's going to go with the unsafe barley formula with honey, which has been known to cause botulism in infants, yet. He is also not letting her out of his sight or allowing Katie's parents to attend either the wedding or the birth. In the words of my wife: He's just creepy.

  • When South Park aired their bit on Scientology, they introduced a plot point that Tom Cruise went into a closet (implying, of course, that Tom Cruise is "in the closet" and is a homosexual) and was later joined with fellow scientologist John Travolta and would not come out. Cruise, objected to the show to such an extent, he pushed Comedy Central pull the episode. Comedy Central's parent company, Viacom, obliged as it was also the producer of the less than stellar opening box office producing MI:3 - starring Cruise. The ironic part is that if Cruise had done nothing, he could have avoided the backlash from Matt Stone and Trey Parker, in at least three of their following episodes.*** Although, I can't prove it, I'd like to think that Cruise's antics this year along with his general "creepiness" may have had something to do with his eventual devolution towards box office poison.

  • The most recent embarrassment to white America was Cruise's latest appearance on BET where he attempts to replicate Yung Joc's "It's Going Down" dance. It is truly the Elaine Bennis of male dancing. The video, which can be found at tomcruiseisnuts.com is not for the faint hearted.

Once again, let's have a reality check. Tom Cruise is an actor. He follows directions from a director. He does what he's told and he portrays emotions for a filmed story. Where is it written that he can be a complete lunatic in public and censor the plot and air coverage of a TV show he's not directly involved in? Where is it written he can completely dominate another human being's life and keep her out of the public? And most importantly, why should we give one rat's ass hair molecule about him?

The only thing he's accomplished is my boycotting any future film he's in. I will not do anything to contribute to his future whackiness.

This is not uncommon, unfortunately, actors have been pulling this crap since the early days of Frank Sinatra and his Rat Pack. If I threw around the names of Naomi Campbell, Russell Crowe, Sean Penn, Colin Farrell, or Alec Baldwin would you think "great actor" or "insane nut job". Chances are, you'd think a bit of both. Collectively, these actors have flipped out, broken cameras, thrown phones at people, thrown cell phones at staff, beaten reporters, and bullied fellow actors.

Are they suddenly immune to litigation?

Alec Baldwin made the "news" recently when rehearsing for a Roundabout Theatre play, "Entertaining Mr. Sloan" when his antics drove his co-star Jan Maxwell from the cast completely. Baldwin who, according to new reports, put his fist through a wall, started throwing things, and generally intimidated his fellow cast members had Maxwell worried about her own physical safety.

Let me remind you. They take a script, memorize lines, act, perform on stage, and obey a director. It's not like they are even making up the dialogue. They are live action puppets - or, as I like to call them: Meat Puppets.

And it's completely unwarranted. They don't really work. Well, not like you and I do, anyway. They get to travel all over the world and make an insane amount of money for their time and effort. When they aren't making movies, or shows they essentially become political.

Not that that's a bad thing, this writer included has been known to interject his political opinion, now and then.

Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, and Alec Baldwin made some pretty severe statements regarding the reelection of George W. Bush. Baldwin stated that he'd move out of the country if he should serve a second term. So far, Baldwin's estate has not been sold nor has he applied to another country for a visa. At least, not that I know of.

The point I want to make is that these people are nothing special. They don't shit gold or transmorgrify water into wine. They are just plain folks who got lucky. They performed on stage and were "discovered" by someone looking for a specific body type or voice and got a break.

Somehow in all of this, their personal lives interrupt the flow of normal broadcast news. Is it important that we know; who they date; where they go; who they beat up at a night club, who got pregnant, who fathered a child; and who is being sued for a paternity suit.

Who gives a shit?

*- That might be something for a theatrical agent to consider. The Bush Follies On ICE!!! We'd only have to make sure that they guy playing Cheney has blanks in his shotgun. You never know what might happen on skates.
**- Yeah, this is news.
***- A consequence of the "Scientology Episode" was the loss of Issac Hayes from the cast. Hayes a scientologist refused to contribute any more to a show that will knock a religion. I should note, however, that he had absolutely no problem in making fun of Jews, Christians, and Muslims.