"Why do we fall down? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up."
- Alfred Pennyworth - Batman Begins (2005)

"I'm not mad at you. I want you to know that. I'm actually, in a way, very excited about this new life. I'm not scared."
- Susan Storm, The Invisible Woman - Ultimate Fantastic Four issue #6

July 25th, 2005

To my friends and coworkers at "the company"*.

On July 20th, I annouced on my site that several of my friends got a visit from the Lay Off Fairy and I published some jokes to make them feel better. Little did I know that the Lay Off Fairy needed to make one more trip on Friday for some unfinished business.

Me.

That's right, kiddies, I was RIFfed**. But, please don't cry for me, I'm fine. My severance package was every bit as good as I thought it would be and I should be fine so long as I don't go insane and purchase an Italian sportscar or anything like that. If I stay the course I'm on right now, I'll probably be happy and comfortable for the next year or so. If I get a job in the meantime, all of that extra cash is mine.

The first thing that I thought of when the reality of the situation sunk in was that I didn't have to get up for a 6:AM conference call on Monday with India and that I could sleep late. The second thing I thought of was the home inventory of alchohol that I might have in stock. Remember: "When the going gets tough... the tough get drinking." Well, my self imposed booze fest has yet to start, but I'm sure you'll hear about it on the local news when it happens. Until then, I'm just going to take everything as it comes.

My immediate plans, however, involve working out, dieting, going to the beach, and fixing up the house. I figure a sound mind and a sound body would be the best combo. Also, I have loads of unread books just waiting to be cracked open.

I have to say, and I'm sure it has been said by everybody who has been either let go or left a job, that the one think I'll miss are my coworkers and friends. The actual job and the atmosphere of my work place, I shed with the same happiness of a man leaving a bad marriage. It hurts a little at first but when everything finally settles down you feel loads better.

I think the worst thing so far was my realization that I had to buy a cell phone. I know, I know. Really, I had no choice in this and if I'm going to get my resumé updated, I had to have a cell number for a perspective employer to call. And as I was under some emotional stress (not a lot, but shopping usually makes me feel better), I bought the Motorola RAZR with all of the bells and whistles that came with it. And although I plan on carrying it around with me all of the time, I don't plan on being obnoxious. I promise I will observe proper phone etiquette and pull over if I need to use the cell phone.

That's me not being a hypocrite.

But, anyway, as I said, I will miss my coworkers. Here are some things that are at the top of my list:

• Instructing Anton on the proper use of American slang and punctuation (from Russian).
• Calling Kipnis "Arnold" after his daily lunch workout.
• Mike's bagels on Friday mornings.
• Asking Brenner not to do that "annoying breathing thing".
• Seeing if Gary would recognise obscure comic book references.
• Smoking breaks with friends.
• Drinking with Gunz.
• The Bubble Lounge.
• SRS meetings at Dennehy's.
• Talking Bollywood with Sharmi.
• Talking Sci Fi with Skip.
• Discussing the Grand Unification Theory with Julian in the same breath as Star Trek.
• Playing darts with Albrecht.
• Talking Buddhism with Sidd.
• Talking Hinduism with Sasi.
• Getting good advice from Glenn.
• Release nights with the team on conference calls (probably some of the funniest moments in any project).
• Working with the ODC team. (I know it sounds like hypocracy but there is a difference between approving offshoring and appreciating hard work. These kids did the latter.)

So, with that said, for those of you who were former coworkers of mine that are reading this. You should know that I was happiest with you guys. And I wish you all the best for your future.

Best Wishes,

Chris (Vikar)

*- I am a man of my word. I will not mention the company's name.

*- For those of you not in the know the acronym RIF is short for Reduction In Force.