by Erma Bombeck

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't."
- Rhonda Hansome

This is an old Erma Bombeck article that Feathers had sent me. I thought it was pretty good for a person that usually goes unsung. This submission is in green.

October 30th, 2002

When the good Lord was creating Wives, he was into his sixth day of overtime.

An angel appeared and said, "You're having a lot of trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model?"

And the Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, but must be sponsored to get on post; have the qualities of both father and mother during deployments; be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40; run on black coffee; handle emergencies without a manual; be able to handle flu, birthdays and moves around the world; have a kiss that can cure anything from a child's torn Valentine to a husband's weary day; have the patience of a saint when waiting for the Unit to return home; and have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her hand slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... no way!"

And the Lord answered, "Don't worry, we'll make other military wives to help. Besides it's not the hands that are causing the problem, it's the heart. It must swell with pride in her husband, sustain the ache of separations, beat on soundly when it's too tired to do so and be large enough to say, "I Understand" when she doesn't, and 'I love you' regardless."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve gently. "Come to bed... finish this tomorrow!"

"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something unique. Already I have one who heals herself when she's sick, can feed three unexpected guests who are stuck in the area due to bad weather, and can wave good-bye to her husband, from a pier, off a runway and understand that it is important to his country that he leaves."

The angel circled the model of the military wife very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.

"But tough," said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this woman can do or endure."

"Can it think?"

"Can it think? It can convert 1400 to 2 p.m."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."

"It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear."

"What's it for?" asked the angel.

"It's for joy. Sadness. Disappointment. Pain, loneliness and pride!"

"You are a genius," sighed the angel.

The Lord looked somber and replied, "I didn't put it there."