June 8th, 2002
Guinness is a cruel trick of nature. Guinness
is a four year old small black Pomeranian who thinks he is a
In all fairness, he is a LARGE Pomeranian, but
large is relative thing. Instead of being 8 lbs (Max for a Pom),
he is 14 lbs. That's like God saying "Well, I have to make
you a rat, but you'll be a BIIIIG rat." It all really doesn't
matter anyway because Guinness has no idea that he is a small
dog. He thinks he's a 165 lb Pit Bull and does the proportionate
amount of domestic destruction that a 165 lb Pit Bull can do.
He fights with other dogs.
He destroys furniture.
He destroys clothes.
He barks for inimidation.
He growls for intimidation.
Poms are "owner's
dogs". Guinness hates everyone except me and Sherry. The
problem is that he is more scared of you than you are of him,
and he knows it. It has to drive him nuts.
The growling is my favorite. When it does come
out, he sounds like a sick bicycle horn. Sort of like, "Hoonnnnnnnnnnnk."
It's so hard to take something like that seriously. I think
that's the one thing that keeps him from getting killed by bigger
dogs. It's like having an annoying little brother who thinks
he can take anyone. The opponent just can't help but laugh.
On the otherhand, when he is not being a monster,
he can be quite affectionate. He also knows the cute act. He
has the supernatural ability to make his eyes extra big in order
to get what he wants. Also, when he decides that he wants to
play with us, he'll roll onto his back and move his legs really
fast while at the same time, he'll try to pinch bite us. When
he's like this we call him "Feet & Teeth".
He doesn't walk, he prances. And as all Pomeranians, he thinks
he's royalty. They are, after all, called "little kings".
The one almost constant feature on Guinness is his perpetual
smile. (Which scares me, because I know he's plotting something.)
He is the dominant dog in the house (which is
amazing) and he usually can hold his own.
The funniest thing about Guinness is when he
attempts to run in the snow. In the winter of 2000, we got a
ton of snow and most of the drifts were taller than Guinness.
It as hilarilious watching him jump from snow drift to snow
drift. He was a dot of black in a sea of white.
He is easily the cutest little psychopath I know.