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Sometimes, a man is measured by the company
he keeps. And God help me! These are the people in my life most
of the time. (I'll get to my parents and sisters in another part
of the site.)
Here is the main cast of characters:
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Height: 5'10"
Weight:
Anywhere between 190 - 210 lbs.
Hair Color:
Formerly dark auburn, now salt and pepper (White streaks at temples and getting whiter)
Eye Color: Hazel (both eyes)
Age: 40 (As of 5/06)
IQ: 135 (As per Emode - 11/05)
Ethnic Background: Italian/Irish (50-50)
Education:
BS - Marketing and Management - St. Peter's College, Class of
1988
Further studies in e-commerce and Quality Assurance at AV Technical School - 2005, 06.
Hobbies:
Ranting, Web Design, Karate, Working
Out, Weight lifting, Cooking, Old
Movies, Bad Sci-Fi, MST3K, Comic
Book Collecting & Trivia, Reading,
Keeping my wife happy, Video Games, and
Zen Philosophy.
Cars:
99 Honda Civic (Silver),
98 VW Jetta (Black)
Favorite Fictional Characters:
Sherlock Holmes, Batman, Spider-man, Superman, and Captain Kirk.
Favorite Color:
Blue - no Yellow
Favorite Movie:
Monty Python's Holy Grail, What the BLEEP Do We Know? and
Lord of the Rings.
Favorite President:
Theodore Roosevelt
Occupation:
Web Designer/ Quality Assurance Tester/ Graphics Designer and
Pagan (in my off hours)
Most hated political figures:
Dubya, Jim McGreevey, Mike
Bloomberg, Adolph Hitler, and Jim Florio (in that order)
Pet Peeves:
There's a whole page of them in the Rants
Section under Endless Bag Of Complaints.
Passion in Life:
My Wife
Goal in Life:
To be the all knowing master of time, space and dimension. (I
like to keep my goals simple)
Favorite Comedians:
George Carlin, Steve Martin, Eddie Izzard, The Monty Python Troupe,
Rowan Atkinson (especially his Black Adder stuff), Robin Williams,
Steven Wright and George W. Bush.
Favorite Authors:
Steven King, Robert Fulghum, Peter David, Alan Moore, Phillip
K. Howard, Scott Adams, George Carlin, and Mike Nelson
Favorite Musical Artists:
Bruce Springsteen (I'm from Jersey - you have to be), Bob Marley,
J.S. Bach, Mozart, Pink Floyd, Billy Joel, Billy Holiday, Etta James, Miles
Davis, The Cure, The Doors, and, of course, Elvis.
Favorite Food:
Japanese (Sushi)
Most likely to be wearing:
A baseball cap, glasses, a sweatshirt, sneakers, and jeans.
Favorite Cologne:
Drakkar Noir, "For Men" (from the Body Shoppe), and GIO
Won't voluntarily own:
A cell phone, again (but will if pressured by my job), a baby
carriage, an SUV, or a minivan.
Jewlery worn daily:
My wedding ring (gold) and my claddagh ring (silver - worn crown
out, heart in)
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Vikar is just an average
joe trying to make sense of a world gone mad.
He is the oldest child
and only boy of 4 children born to an upper middle class
family. Vikar is happy to say that while being born in
Stuyvesant Town, New York, he has spent the majority of
his life living in many parts of New Jersey. He enjoys
living in the Garden State despite what Governor McGreevey
is doing to it. If you were to ask him what he thinks
of his home state, he'd tell you "There is nothing
like New Jersey for getting your daily allowance of pollen
and radon."
Vikar was raised Roman
Catholic. He spent every Saturday of his childhood (until
10th grade) going to CCD. In his life, he has only scored
perfectly in one exam - Religion. He attended St. Peter's
College in Jersey City where on one drunken night he met
the love of his life and lost track of her for five years.
He spent all four years
in college in the theatre. In his senior year, he became
president of the Argus Eyes Drama Society and starred
in the musical "Company". He graduated college
with a Marketing/Management degree (focusing on research)
with an Activity Scholarship and on time (His father stating
that the first four years were "on him". Anything
after that he had to finance.) Less than a year after
graduation he moved out of his parents' house and has
been living on his own ever since.
Eventually, he got a job in what he terms
"corporate hell" in a Fortune 500 company. He
has been in that purgatory for 14 years. With no formal
training, he has worked as a technology help desk representative,
a management performance reporter, a web designer/ web
master, and a quality assurance tester. His biggest accomplishment
is not being "found out" after all this time.
In an unusual stroke of luck, he married
the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. They have been
been almost inseparable for the last decade (being married
for 8 years of that) and she hasn't killed him yet. He,
to this day, has no children other than his two dogs -
Guinness and Killian. Vikar does not plan to spawn.
Seeing the faults of Christianity and the
Bible as a bad novel hastily put together he has turned
his back on the religion he was born into in favor of
Paganism. Where Christians have "faith", he
knows. It is easier to believe in the concepts of a God
and Goddess balancing things rather than an angry "father
god" who punishes for all eternity. This has renewed
his interest in spirituality as he now sees the world
in a different light now.
Now, as an exercise of philosophy, he has
begun a written journey observing things and situations
around him. He calls them his rants. Armed with a pen
and PC, his mission is to go through his life without
prejudice. However, he can't stomach one collection of
people.
Idiots.
If you are an idiot, he believes you are
cannon fodder. If you are only just smart enough
to read these articles then you will DEFINITELY
be offended by his rants.
Vikar lives happily in Freehold, New Jersey
- eight miles away from where he grew up.
Pictures:
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I was born right here on Randolph
street in Freehold
here right behind that big red maple in Freehold
well I went to school right here got laid and had my first
beer, in Freehold
Well my folks all lived and worked right
here in Freehold
I remember running up the street past the convent &
the church in Freehold
Chased my daddy down in these bars first fell in love
with this guitar, here in Freehold
I had my first kiss at the YMCA canteen
on a Friday Night
Maria Espinosa, baby, where are you
tonight
You were 13 but way ahead of your time
I walked home with a limp but I felt just fine,
that
night in Freehold
Well the girls at Freehold Regional yeah,
They all looked pretty fine,
Had my heart broke at least a half a dozen times
I wonder if they miss me, do they still get the itch...
If they had dumped me if they knew I'd strike it rich,
straight out of Freehold
Well, a lot of folks gave us kids a hand
in Freehold
Man, we started up our rock n roll band in Freehold
well we learned really quick how to rock it
I'll never forget the feeling of that first 5 bucks
in my pocket, that I earned in Freehold
well I got outta here hard and fast in
Freehold
everybody wanted to kick my ass back there in Freehold
well if you were different black or brown
it was a pretty redneck town, back there in Freehold
Well now something broke my daddy's back
in Freehold
He left and for 30 years he'd never come back
Except once he drove from California in just 3 days
Called my relatives some dirty names
Drove straight out of Freehold
Now he's buried by the highway, buried in the dirt
His ghost just flippin' the bird, to everybody in Freehold
Well, my sister got pregnant at 17 in
Freehold
Back then people they could be pretty mean
Now honey you had a rough road to go
Now you ain't made of nothin' but soul
I love you more that you'll ever know, we both survived
Freehold
Well my buddy Mike he's the Mayor now
in Freehold
I remember when we had a lot more hair in Freehold
I left and swore I'd never walk these streets again,
Jack
Now all I can say is "holy shit I'm back",
back in Freehold
Well I read something in the paper a
couple weeks ago that seemed pretty funny
The town council was debating about putting up a statue,
A statue of me in my hometown, but it cost too much
money
Well I'd like to thank the Town Council, my friends,
for saving me from humiliation
By demonstrating the good hard common sense that we
learned in Freehold
Well this summer everything was green
Rode my kids on the fire engines through the streets
of Freehold
I brought them to where dad was born and raised.
and first felt the sun on his face, in Freehold
Well I still got a lot of good friends
right there
I can usually find a free beer somewhere
With free meals I am blessed should I go crazy blow
all my money, hit the tabloids, become fodder for the
talk shows, turn my life into a complete fuckin' mess..
at least ill never go hungry I guess...in Freehold
Well I got a good Catholic education
here in Freehold
Led to an awful lot of masturbation here in Freehold
Now father it was just something I did for a smile
ell I still get a good one off once in a while
and dedicate it to Freehold
Don't get me wrong, I ain't putting
anybody down
in the end it all just goes and comes around
in my hometown, FREEHOLD
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Well, He's me.....in a sense.
Obviously, Vikar is not my real name.
My real name is Chris.
Rather he is (or was) my alter ego. I used
to play Dungeons & Dragons with a bunch of my friends
from Seton Hall University (I am not alumni, I graduated
from St. Peter's College in Jersey City). My character
was a viking berserker called Vikar (pronounced VEE-CAR)
the Unruly. If you can imagine someone with absolutely
no tact, or manners, and would habitually go into battle
at a moments notice at the slightest provocation with
a berserker rage and battle axe. Then you can imagine
Vikar. He was great to reduce my stress level at the time
because I really could say anything I wanted.
The real Vikar - King Vikar of Norse Legend
- actually strikes closer to this page than ever I did.
King Vikar, in order to gain a favorable wind in a sea
battle had promised a sacrifice to the All Father, Odin.
He and the crew drew lots to be victim and King Vikar
had selected his own name.
His blood brother, Starkad, went to see
the all father to see if he would change his mind, but
Odin was adamant and demanded that he have a sacrifice
for the many favors he had granted. He handed Starkad
a spear that looked like a reed.
Starkad felt that the best course of action
would be to make a mock sacrifice. King Vikar stood on
a stump with a loop of soft catgut around his neck from
a weak twig as Starkad held the reed to his chest.
Starkad announced, "Now I give you
to Odin!" At once, the reed turned into a spear,
the catgut into a small rope and the twig into a small
branch. The stump rolled away from King Vikar and he was
hung and impaled.
I figure that if Vikar REALLY existed,
he would be the most politically incorrect being on the
face of the planet and hence the perfect ranter with a
lot to gripe about.
I don't carry a battle axe but I can type
on a PC and maybe do the same amount of damage.
So bear that in mind as you are reading my
articles.
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